Steve Jobs died yesterday. He was a visionary and an innovator, although not necessarily the best specimen of a human being. Nonetheless, his drive and success are duly inspirational. This quote floating around Facebook resonates with me:
"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart." Steve Jobs, 2005.
And another Jobs quote: "I believe life is an intelligent thing, that things aren't random" (1997).
I am truly feeling these statements today. I have been really stressing during the last two weeks about some things in my life and feeling like my problems are insurmountable. But in perspective (relative to death and other terminal problems), my problems are small change. And perhaps I have gotten into these predicaments for a reason. Maybe things aren't random. And I can use this time in my life to learn some lessons and come out a better, stronger woman.
To briefly organize my thoughts today, here is a list of my problems and how I CAN deal with and learn from them:
1. Debt: A* and I have racked up some serious debt. I will chip away at this, be fiscally responsible, and get back on track. I know I can do this with patience and time. The key is making good life choices (where to live, what to buy, and what NOT to spend money on) and staying goal oriented.
2. Divorce: I am bummed right now about being single, but must remember that being alone will be better than being in the relationship I'm in now. This will open doors to new opportunities and windows so I can breathe again. It will be good to be in charge of my life again.
3. Estate Administration: Some days this feels like a never-ending struggle. But as long as I keep a level and clear head and keep chipping away at it, things will be resolved. The harder I work and push my attorney and myself, the sooner it will happen. I only need to remember that this is a blessing, not a curse.
4. Money: Yes, I need more money to accomplish my goals and enjoy my life. All of the things I must do to earn money feel like additional stressors that I'm not equipped to deal with right now. Assessing my finances, making a budget, settling my grandfather's estate, de-cluttering and holding a yard sale, applying for an FYE teaching position, and taking time to donate plasma are all steps I can take to earn more money. I need to take these one at a time and accomplish them in small (manageable) chunks. It will pay off in the end.
There are many things I can do to be a more successful, happy, and fulfilled person. Tackling the problems above and getting them under control will afford me more time to focus on becoming that person. Today I am releasing the stress and anxiety and trying to put things in perspective. It is a great relief.
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