Update

A* and I were supposed to have a custody hearing last Friday, but we spoke on Wednesday and came up with a custody arrangement instead.  It is completely fair and equitable with no child support.  So I guess the hard part's settled.  Next comes splitting of property and debts.  Then we can finalize in December and are done.

I am looking for my own place to live, but am torn between buying a house and renting.  Each has its pros and cons.  My biggest concern is cost, since I don't know if and what I can afford, and then finding a place that is nice for J and I to live.

I visited NYC a couple weeks ago and had a great time.  I am slowly but surely becoming a human being again (instead of just a mom and discontent wife).  It is difficult to reconcile the two (being a human and being a mom, specifically), because it takes a lot of selflessness to be a good parent.  But I do feel more fulfilled.

I've been talking to a very old guy friend a lot over the last couple weeks, which has given me a nice reprieve from my worries.  But there's a lot of ambiguity in our relationship and it's starting to present its own challenges.  I don't know how long it will last and am afraid it's already on the decline.  But it's been nice for what it's worth.  Whatever happens happens.

I'm feeling a lot of turmoil today.  Having trouble concentrating at work again.  Listening to the angriest (and thus, most passionate) hardcore music on my iPhone is my way of meditating.  After the turmoil subsides, I need to come up with a plan for my future.

Checking in

This week was my last Disney trip for the year.  I left for Orlando on Tuesday morning and got back to town Thursday afternoon.  A* had arranged for his parents to watch J for the evening and said he was really excited about it, so I let them pick him up and keep him until A* got out of work.  I went home and did some cleaning and cataloged my library books to return to the library.  A* and J arrived home around 11pm, and then A* went out "for a drive," which meant to the bar.  J woke up a little after 1am and A* was not back yet, so I sent him a text and he came home around 1:30.

A*s schedule this week appears to have been 7-4 Monday, off Tuesday, (not sure about Wednesday), 1-10 Thursday, and off Friday.  He will most likely work all weekend, although he hasn't informed me.

A friend has tentatively invited me to Houghton Lake this weekend for an annual waterside Labor Day gathering.  We never celebrate Labor Day because A* always works the whole weekend, so it would be nice to actually do something fun with J for the holiday.  Same with Thanksgiving, Christmas, Memorial Day, and every other major holiday when I am off work and J's daycare is closed, but A* has to work...  I used to feel like I had to stay at home with J when A* worked over holidays, but J's big enough now that I can travel with him by myself.  I'm looking forward to the freedom to travel and celebrate as we please.