Update

A* and I were supposed to have a custody hearing last Friday, but we spoke on Wednesday and came up with a custody arrangement instead.  It is completely fair and equitable with no child support.  So I guess the hard part's settled.  Next comes splitting of property and debts.  Then we can finalize in December and are done.

I am looking for my own place to live, but am torn between buying a house and renting.  Each has its pros and cons.  My biggest concern is cost, since I don't know if and what I can afford, and then finding a place that is nice for J and I to live.

I visited NYC a couple weeks ago and had a great time.  I am slowly but surely becoming a human being again (instead of just a mom and discontent wife).  It is difficult to reconcile the two (being a human and being a mom, specifically), because it takes a lot of selflessness to be a good parent.  But I do feel more fulfilled.

I've been talking to a very old guy friend a lot over the last couple weeks, which has given me a nice reprieve from my worries.  But there's a lot of ambiguity in our relationship and it's starting to present its own challenges.  I don't know how long it will last and am afraid it's already on the decline.  But it's been nice for what it's worth.  Whatever happens happens.

I'm feeling a lot of turmoil today.  Having trouble concentrating at work again.  Listening to the angriest (and thus, most passionate) hardcore music on my iPhone is my way of meditating.  After the turmoil subsides, I need to come up with a plan for my future.